Category Archives: children

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Labor, Delivery And Then Comes The Hard Part

Posted on Monday, October 24th, 2016

HEY! New mothers! Stop showing us pictures of your “Before Kids” and “After Kids” body. It’s bad enough that I get on Facebook and see my friends going to GooGoo Dolls concerts, wandering the streets of Amsterdam and scuba diving in the Galapagos after I just got done googling “When will season 6 of Veep be out?”  During my morning Facebook session I take an “ARE YOU A CHILD OF THE 70’s QUIZ” and pass with flying colors, then continue...

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Surviving the Pomp Under These Circumstances

Posted on Monday, May 23rd, 2016

Surviving the Pomp Under These Circumstances This past weekend, my youngest son graduated from college. The youngest of four, he is the only one who took the traditional college route of a four year degree complete with the cap, the gown, the diploma and the 3 hour ceremony in the blinding Florida sun. Luckily for us this was the FIRST year that his small private school decided to hold the event OUTDOORS and I have to say, what a great idea! Florida is lovely this time of year and who doesn’t love sitting in the middle of a field,...

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It Takes A Village, And Maybe My Ex’s Girlfriend

Posted on Wednesday, February 24th, 2016

It Takes A Village, And Maybe My Ex’s Girlfriend   There are two kinds of people in this world: up people and down people. Up people wake up and think “Yay! Another day for me to forge new horizons, try new things, meet new people!” Down people wake up and say, “Oh MY GOD, it can’t possibly be another day already.” Up people go to the grocery store and upon finding an empty spot where their favorite cereal is supposed to be say, “Oh that’s okay. Now is the perfect time for me to try this new...

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Marriage, Divorce And A Good Gastro Doc

Posted on Friday, November 13th, 2015

Marriage, Divorce And A Good Gastro Doc Sunday morning I woke up and as I lay there feigning sleep so that M would get up and make the coffee, I knew something was special about the day, but I couldn’t figure out what. Typically, this happens after I allow myself an Ambien the night before. For those of you who may actually be able go to sleep like a normal person, Ambien has the tendency to make you do weird things that you won’t discover until the morning. I have walked into my kitchen the morning after an Ambien, to a...

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Divorce: Cross Your Bridge, But Don’t Burn It

Posted on Monday, July 27th, 2015

Divorce: Cross Your Bridge, But Don’t Burn It Well, I’m sure you’ve noticed it’s been quite a while since I’ve  posted on my blog and I have a very good excuse, it’s called a job. I don’t know who came up with this concept, but they sure didn’t have a sense of humor. Believe it or not, when you have a job, you usually have something called a boss. And this “boss” expects you to be at work, like every day at the same time?WHAT? Also, they do not get that you need to come in late on...

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Happy Mother’s Day

Posted on Saturday, May 9th, 2015

Happy Mother’s Day   I miss you guys! I know I haven’t posted in what seems like years, but the thing is I have a job now, and seriously, this is some heavy shit. First off, they expect me to be there like, every day at the same time…which is a number with AM after it. (Except weekends, they are not TOTAL barbarians.) Secondly, you are supposed to be there for eight hours. WHAT? Everyone knows, I need a little shut eye around 2pm to make it through the day. Mainly, they expect you to get stuff...

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What’s Ahead for Mommy Bloggers

Posted on Thursday, January 29th, 2015

What’s Ahead for Mommy Bloggers Here’s what I would like to say to all the mommy bloggers who are good writers, and pretty funny and offer good advice about how to deal with a toddler who will only wear ballerina tutu’s—you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. And you moms out there who have kids over five, know what I mean. They say you are only as happy as your unhappiest child, and there are no truer words. How can you simply go about your day, enjoying your morning coffee, your Weight Watcher’s vegetable teriyaki...

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Ramblings from a Golden Retriever Mom

Posted on Monday, March 17th, 2014

Unconditional love.  Sure, we say we love our partner/spouse unconditionally, and we mean it.  We love you unconditionally, unless….you get too fat, contract halitosis,start telling knock knock jokes at dinner parties, suddenly decide it’s fun to push the cat in a stroller, take up rock collecting, get a Smart car,…well, you get the idea.  There may be stipulations to the unconditional love thing, or in other words, unconditional love may come with a few...

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Sayonara Mr. Roboto

Posted on Saturday, March 30th, 2013

As time goes on I am beginning to notice a few differences between M (my significant other, partner, love connection?) and myself.  First off,   he makes the bed. Every morning.  Super weird, right? He doesn’t like clutter.  Also, he believes if something is worth doing, it is worth doing right.  I believe if something is worth doing, I will do it until I get bored, and then go tweet my breakfast.  Also,  he actually SEES the dog hair on the floor while...

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Everything Old is New Again

Posted on Friday, June 22nd, 2012

I’m a sister wife!!  My ex has remarried.  As he said in his wedding speech, (of which a video was smuggled out of the ceremony and into my greedy hands, ) he has met the love of his life.  Hello?  Does 27 years of folded socks, dry cleaning pick up, oh- and birthing four children count for nothing these days?  Please dont tell that to this uterus that now hits the water when I sit down to pee. Was I a perfect wife?  Sooorrrrt of…..I admit there were a...

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Too Cool for School

Posted on Wednesday, January 11th, 2012

During my divorce and days on end with Real Housewives (how I love Jill Z and Countess D, ) and Hoarders, it became clear to me that I really had to do something.  What to do…what to do…I tried volunteer work.  I volunteered at a local television station taking calls for the “Problem Solver.” People would call in with complaints about local businesses in hopes of getting the “Problem Solver” to give them a hand. You would listen to the person, take...

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Pretzel Logic

Posted on Monday, December 19th, 2011

So they say time heals all wounds and based on my divorce experience, I tend to agree. When my ex told me he was going to introduce Giselle to my kids, I freaked. I screamed. I cried. I had her deposed. I made her tell the whole sordid story under oath. After she described their initial meeting at Bahama Mamas, I made a dramatic exit from the room, only to discover I had forgotten my jacket and had to slink back in to retrieve it, where the two of them were calmly making plans for...

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Mommy’s Night Out

Posted on Wednesday, November 30th, 2011

To those of us midlife women who have taken a break from dating, otherwise known as a 25 year marriage, jumping back into the game can feel a tad overwhelming.  The last time I went on a date I was wearing bell bottoms, buffalo sandals and Bonnie Bell Strawberry Lip Smackers.  For my current dates I wear Spanx on my upper AND lower body, matte lipstick that will not bleed into my lip lines and  always carry a pair of readers from CVS so that I can read the menu or worse yet, the...

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OMG Btw Help

Posted on Tuesday, October 11th, 2011

   Today’s blog is a cry for help.  I have developed an addiction, and I think it is beginning to affect my children.  I feel if I come forward, I may be able to help others who are also fighting this demon; I know I’m not alone.  It’s embarrassing, demoralizing and I am very ashamed, but here it is:  I text my children while they are at school.  Alot.  Not just for emergencies.  I lay it out here now, knowing this will be read by...

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Welcome Wagon

Posted on Wednesday, September 28th, 2011

   The one thing about my ex I have to say, is that he has always been considerate of my feelings.  I know he was only thinking of me, when he decided to move he and Giselle into a huge luxury home around the corner from me: behind a gate no less.  As if.  As if my cleaning lady’s friend’s friend,  doesn’t know the gate code, and I won’t be driving slowly by several times a day.   Please.  And how awesome is this of him?...

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