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Pretzel Logic

Posted on Monday, December 19th, 2011

So they say time heals all wounds and based on my divorce experience, I tend to agree. When my ex told me he was going to introduce Giselle to my kids, I freaked. I screamed. I cried. I had her deposed. I made her tell the whole sordid story under oath. After she described their initial meeting at Bahama Mamas, I made a dramatic exit from the room, only to discover I had forgotten my jacket and had to slink back in to retrieve it, where the two of them were calmly making plans for...

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Update Status…Share

Posted on Monday, December 12th, 2011

Today I officially performed my first “Unfriend” on facebook and I feel terrible about it. It was a guy I dated in college a few times, and he was playing some kind of farm game which kept inviting me to buy a pig and ride a tractor. Every morning I would log in, thrilled to see I had 10 messages, only to find that C had bought a new cow. I have been unfriended by my children loads of times, and yes it hurts. The following “wall” exchange got me in big trouble with my...

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Cheers

Posted on Monday, December 12th, 2011

Let’s face it, women our age do not have it easy. First off, we are dealing with the onset of menopause and have become sweaty versions of Sybil. Some of us are dealing with divorces and Giselles. We are dating again, desperately trying to shove ourselves into skinny jeans tucked into knee high boots that feel like tourniquets. Our kids are leaving the nest or worse yet, moving back home. Now we are hit with the latest medical warning, “Breast Cancer Risk Rises with Moderate...

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Mommy’s Night Out

Posted on Wednesday, November 30th, 2011

To those of us midlife women who have taken a break from dating, otherwise known as a 25 year marriage, jumping back into the game can feel a tad overwhelming.  The last time I went on a date I was wearing bell bottoms, buffalo sandals and Bonnie Bell Strawberry Lip Smackers.  For my current dates I wear Spanx on my upper AND lower body, matte lipstick that will not bleed into my lip lines and  always carry a pair of readers from CVS so that I can read the menu or worse yet, the...

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SAVING FACE

Posted on Wednesday, November 23rd, 2011

Sometimes I don’t know why I bother. Like the other night, we had plans to meet some friends in downtown St. Petersburg which has some great restaurants, and is also a great place to see and be seen. I pictured myself sitting outside at one of the street side tables, chatting with friends, sipping great wine and looking very cosmopolitan. Unfortunately, due to a very bad sense of direction, I ended up having to walk half a mile (okay four blocks,)from my car to the restaurant, and by...

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A Divorcee Impresses Her Friends

Posted on Saturday, November 19th, 2011

During my first holiday season as a divorced person, I received two bits of news back to back. First, my ex called to inform me that he and Giselle would be out of town for the holidays. To me out of town is a day at the Gap Outlet, which is about 50 miles from here. To them, it is a two week ski vacation in Switzerland. Shortly after this news set in, I received an invitation to a neighbor’s Christmas party. What could be sadder then attending a holiday party alone, knowing that...

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SAVING FACE

Posted on Tuesday, November 15th, 2011

The debate rages on…should we or shouldn’t we mess with our faces? For a very interesting view point please go to Debbie Nigro’s website, www.stillababe.com and see what Isaac Mizrahi has to say about plastic surgery. Hmmmm, definitely food for thought. As for my products report for this week, here is what I found: Estee Lauder Targeted Deep Wrinkle Filler. Yes! I pat very gently a little into my very unfortunate lip lines, that I definitely do not deserve as I never...

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SAVING FACE

Posted on Tuesday, November 15th, 2011

http://www.5min.com/Video/Youve-Got-Isaac-Mizrahi-517179039 Share this:Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Click to share on Google+ (Opens in new window)

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Check out this article:

Posted on Sunday, November 13th, 2011

Check out this article by Judsen Culbreth for match.com HAPPEN magazineNovember 13, 2011 By Judsen Culbreth n the past (and not too long ago at that), a woman over age 50 who was single inspired sympathy and concern from her married peers: Will she ever be able to find someone and settle down? True, even today, many unattached women in this demographic dream of hearing wedding bells. Still, a surprising number have the exact opposite attitude and think, Why the heck would I...

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Scenes From an Italian Restaurant

Posted on Thursday, November 10th, 2011

 I knew even when I was in the midst of divorce that I did not want to live the rest of my life alone, and I included my sister and I living in side by side condos on some old person beach as alone. Where to find a possible life partner, a soul mate, a fucking date?  The only single man I knew was Frankie, my handyman, and he wore his t-shirts like Britney Spears in the 90’s and smelled like cheese.  No way. Short of putting on a leopard tank with black leggings and hanging...

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SAVING FACE

Posted on Tuesday, November 8th, 2011

     A big part of being 50 is learning to deal with my face.  “We go back a long way,” I tell it,” don’t give up on me now.  If you stick with me, and hang on tight (and I mean TIGHT) I will find ways to nourish you and keep you happy.  I will pamper you and slather all kinds of crap on you till we find something you adore.”     I plan to use SAVING FACE as a weekly way to report on products I am trying, and results...

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Cat Woman

Posted on Sunday, November 6th, 2011

 Being a divorced, 50ish woman, you have to be super careful not to appear lonely or weird, when dating.  There are some things that men find appealing, and other things we need to stay away from.  For instance, taking your black lab running in the park, or joining a wine tasting club is definitely cool.  Going out and buying, let’s say a ferret, probably won’t go over so well, it may sound eclectic and fun, but trust me, it’s weird. Showing him pictures of...

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HELP Wanted

Posted on Sunday, November 6th, 2011

     Okay, it’s really becoming obvious that I may have to…work.  Please bear with me, this is a totally new concept in my world.  This was not how it was supposed to be, I was supposed to get divorced, get a huge lump settlement, buy a two story townhouse and a vacation home, and have spa days.  I did not expect to be purusing Craig’s list, looking for jobs under the ETC section.Here are some possibilities:1.   “Needed:...

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Posted on Saturday, October 29th, 2011

Check out this article written by Barbara Hannah Grufferman, posted on 5/15/11 for The Huffington Post. Always digging deeper into what women over 50 are really thinking (and not just depending on the academic reports and studies, many of which are frightfully discouraging), I asked women on Facebook and Twitter to reveal that one thing that keeps them awake at night, that single nagging worry that haunts their sleep and has the potential to overshadow their generally positive...

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Honky Tonk Woman

Posted on Wednesday, October 26th, 2011

     Friday night, instead of attending my friend’s beautiful,  weekly Shabbat dinner, I was in a honky tonk  (aka bar,) in Nashville, Tennessee.  For those of you who have never been, although beautifully historic, Nashville is one long street with bar after bar, and band after band. There are some nice old churches and a few boot stores, but the focus is on the booze and the bands.      We arrived at about noon, and the plan was to hit one...

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Greygoose Dirty, Hold the Olives

Posted on Thursday, October 13th, 2011

 I have been reading alot about nasolabial folds lately.  Every time I google plastic surgery, that is always highlighted.  “We can fix your nasolabial folds!”  For those not as familiar with plastic surgery lingo as I am, these are the deep lines that go from your nose to your chin.  Everytime I read this I run to the mirror to see if I have folds and it appears that I do, nasolabial and otherwise. I have noticed a few changes since I turned 50.  First...

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OMG Btw Help

Posted on Tuesday, October 11th, 2011

   Today’s blog is a cry for help.  I have developed an addiction, and I think it is beginning to affect my children.  I feel if I come forward, I may be able to help others who are also fighting this demon; I know I’m not alone.  It’s embarrassing, demoralizing and I am very ashamed, but here it is:  I text my children while they are at school.  Alot.  Not just for emergencies.  I lay it out here now, knowing this will be read by...

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You’ve Got to be Kidding

Posted on Wednesday, October 5th, 2011

     The divorce process is ugly and gut wrenching,  not to mention time consuming.  First off, there is the daily stalking of your ex and the drunk texting, which will eat up most of your nights.  There are the hours spent putting all your ex’s stuff on the front lawn and then carrying it all back in when his attorney sends you a cease and desist asap letter.   Then there are state mandated counseling sessions to help you explain what is happening to...

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Welcome Wagon

Posted on Wednesday, September 28th, 2011

   The one thing about my ex I have to say, is that he has always been considerate of my feelings.  I know he was only thinking of me, when he decided to move he and Giselle into a huge luxury home around the corner from me: behind a gate no less.  As if.  As if my cleaning lady’s friend’s friend,  doesn’t know the gate code, and I won’t be driving slowly by several times a day.   Please.  And how awesome is this of him?...

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What’s In a Name? Everything.

Posted on Thursday, September 22nd, 2011

Here is what I did during my divorce: 1.  Wandered through the house in my Snugli eating from a box of Captain Crunch2.  Drank a lot of wine and then sent scathing emails to my ex, which will definitely come back to haunt me if I ever run for Governor or anything.3.  Made Carrie Underwood’s Before He Cheats, my official ring tone4.  Caused my friends to run the other way if they saw me in the grocery store.5.  Drove my mother crazy6.  Finally SNAPPED out of...

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