Okay, here is the question: Why is it I can remember every episode of the Dick Van Dyke Show from 1963 but cannot for the life of me remember why I walked into my kitchen? I can still remember the tune to “Hazel,” (Major crush on Mr. B, by the way.) Yet, I am literally standing in here, staring at my coffeemaker as it stares back at me like, “Dude. What the hell?” I go down my mental list, am I thirsty? No. Am I hungry? Nooo, but as long as I’m in the kitchen…As I walk away with a handful of pita chips it occurs to me…this is why women gain weight after menopause. We don’t remember why we are in the kitchen, but what the hell, as long as we walked all the way in here…just a little nosh.
All this has nothing to do with what I am writing about today. What I wanted to talk about today is a fun experience I recently had. I went to a major league baseball game and it was awesome…plus I gained somewhere in the neighborhood of five pounds. They have tacos now. Tacos. At a baseball game.
So, my son calls me and says “Would you and M like to go to the game, dad gave me his tickets and he can’t go,” and I’m like “Sure.” The day arrives and son and girlfriend pick us up. As we drive away, I think, “Shoot I meant to bring binoculars,” because I think baseball players have the cutest butts of all the athletes and I wanted to get a good look. Also, I wore tennis shoes because I knew that the walk from the parking lot to the stadium, puts the 3 day breast cancer walk to shame. But wait, what? My son is turning into a parking lot that is about six inches away from the front door of the stadium. He takes out a pass and the guard waves him through as if we are the Presidential Motorcade. WTF?
Then we walk up to the gate, show our tickets and make our way into the stadium. We begin to make our way to the seats and we are not walking up into the stands, we are walking DOWN towards the field. We keep going further and further down until finally my son waves us into a row. A row that is like six feet from home plate. As I go to sit down I notice that my ex’s name is on the seats! There is a little silver plaque with this name on it! Plus, not only did I not need binoculars, I had to ask several players, “Do you mind? You’re standing on my foot,” as they took a few practice swings before getting up to bat.
Okay, what am I getting at, you are probably asking. Three things: 1. Menopause sucks, but I can’t remember why 2. Hazel put up with a lot of stuff from Mr. B. when she should have just quit and filed for unemployment, and 3. Eating tacos while staring at baseball players butts makes for a pretty nice afternoon.